He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
