i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
