im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
