so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
