Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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