I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
