I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
