Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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