Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
