Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
