worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
worst night to have a conscience
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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