oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
