ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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