I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
