jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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