Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
