Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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