I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
