So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
