my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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