don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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