I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
