Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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