My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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