i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
