I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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