Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
