She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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