When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were trust falling into bushes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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