just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Your penis caused this!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
