I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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