so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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