1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
