I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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