no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
