yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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