I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She bit a glass in half.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
