ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
