it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
