He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
