In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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