like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
