Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
