my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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