my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize