I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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