i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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