i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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