I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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