you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
