How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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