My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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