my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
